Birth of Nio

My firstborn…

Sunday, August 21st, I felt the tiniest bit crampy at church. It was nothing that was coming and going noticeably, but being overdue I was very conscious of every little thing that might mean labor was coming. I was home alone in the afternoon. I thought I should nap in case labor did start, but when I lay down I wasn’t terribly sleepy, and I figured it was just wishful thinking that labor might be about to start... so I worked on laundry instead.

Sunday night I went to bed and was playing solitaire on my phone around 11:30 p.m. I started to feel mild cramps that had definite start and end points. I waited and continued playing solitaire through 3-4 cramps before deciding they were regular enough to time them... so I pulled up my handy dandy contraction timer app and timed a few. They were varying between 4-7 minutes apart and lasting between 30 seconds to a full minute. They were kind of like a cross between menstrual cramps and IBS cramps, and painful enough to catch my attention and make me want to breathe deeply and try to relax till they passed. At this point I got up and told Marty not to get excited but something may be happening and that I felt I should eat something and then go to bed and try to get as much sleep as possible. He made me a sandwich, and I continued discreetly timing "cramps" on my phone.

By 1am, I felt confident enough to text Ginger, my midwife, and Kathryn, my friend/doula, and let them know what was up. I then tried very hard to sleep through the night, but all I could really do was doze between "cramps." Most of the night they were coming every 4-6 minutes and lasting a minute or even a minute and a half. I was concentrating and breathing through them while Marty slept beside me, and eventually it got to a point where I was starting to vocalize and moan. The longest interval all night was 8 minutes, so that should tell you how much sleep I got (next to none)!

Monday, August 22nd, the "cramps" (I called them cramps for a long time - unwilling to totally accept that this was really labor) were getting extremely hard to handle lying still, and I was vocalizing so much I was shocked Marty could sleep through it. At 7:32 a.m., I timed one at 2.5 minutes, and I finally woke Marty and told him I needed him. We got up from bed at this point because I really felt that lying still was making it harder to cope. I moved to the birth ball, where I found that it helped to circle my hips while vocalizing through a "cramp." Marty, at this stage, was mostly moral support. It helped me that he was awake and going through it with me, and he didn't have to be very hands-on. He went ahead and set up and inflated the birth tub, just in case. I texted Ginger saying I didn't know if I was in early or active labor, and she said to let her know how the contractions were in an hour.

8 a.m., I told Ginger things were holding steady. She said she'd check back after her next appointment. She suggested getting into a hot shower, which I actually had just done. Oddly (I thought), my "cramps" totally stopped in the shower, and I was actually really discouraged and told Marty probably it was going to stop now (he disagreed), but as soon as I got out they picked right back up, At 10:45 she checked back with me, and I said, "I don't know why they're not getting closer together!" They were intense and painful, and I was long past talking or walking through them, but I felt they needed to be closer together before I could ask her to come over. 11:30 a.m., I went to the bathroom and had some blood in my underwear, and then I tried to nap. I managed to fall asleep for a half hour (got a break from contractions), but once the contractions started again I could no longer sleep.

I was feeling desperate at this point, but it was Marty who finally made the call and got Ginger to come over to check me out. She told him in the meantime that I should try a bath. I got in the bath and was encouraged that my contractions, which had spaced out to closer to 10 minutes apart, actually picked back up to 6 minutes apart. Ginger arrived sometime around 3:30 pm, and she did an internal exam. The good news, she said, was that I was 90% effaced, and the baby was low (-1 station), but the bad news was she could not feel how dilated I was because the cervix was way back behind the baby's head. She asked, and I consented, to let her go back in and try to pull the cervix forward... Wow. The first check was painful, but that thing she did... that was excruciating! I was crying! And the verdict after all that was that I was only 3cm dilated, so still in early labor! The other bad news from the visit was that the baby was fully posterior (at my last appointment baby had been almost ROT, so the back was more on my right side) or sunny side up, and we needed baby to rotate around. In the end, Ginger left us to continue to labor and keep her updated. She said to do lots of forward-leaning positions because most likely labor would really get going if we could get baby in a better position.

At 4:45 p.m. I texted Ginger that the contractions were at a whole new level now. I think maybe her re-positioning of my cervix might have changed something. They were timing at 1.5-2 minutes in duration, which felt like an eternity! Two minute contractions, let me tell you, are no cake walk. I even had a few that lasted nearly 3 minutes. My body was really working!

Throughout all this, I had been keeping Kathryn updated on everything, but I couldn't justify asking her to come unless I knew I was in active labor. However, eventually Marty decided he really needed another set of hands, and he ended up asking her to come over sometime around 6 p.m. I also texted Ginger (for the last time) around 6 to say the contractions were not closer together but definitely stronger.

When Kathryn arrived, Marty and I were watching Dr. Who, and my current coping method was to sit in this pink armchair until a contraction came, then kneel on the floor leaning over the chair to get through it, kind of rocking forward and back. I needed Marty to be with me for each contraction, to encourage me and rub my back. Kathryn observed us and started to offer help...none of which I really immediately accepted, but she really just stepped right in without really needing us to ask or guide her, and I'm so grateful she did! She also brought rice socks which she microwaved and she and Marty used on my back. She made suggestions about positioning that were really helpful, was a sympathetic listener, an extra pair of hands for getting food/drink or taking pictures.... and all-around was great support for both Marty AND me. 

So the three of us kept going, and at first things see,ed to be picking up. The contractions were long, and a couple times even double-peaked. Then they slowed back down (again leaving me feeling discouraged - but my body knew what was needed). Marty and Kathryn convinced me to have a rest, so I went to the bedroom and lay down. The contractions didn't stop like last time, and they were very, very hard to handle not only lying down but being alone with them. I was not able to relax, so I really got tense and the pain was just that much worse. From about 8-9 p.m. I rested and dozed between contractions.

After my rest, Kathryn and Marty did some rebozo sifting on my belly. Next thing I knew, labor kicked up another notch, and contractions started to come more frequently, like every 3-4 minutes. By this point, Marty was in touch with Ginger, and she said it sounded like an active labor pattern. She said I could go ahead and get in the birth tub and she would be on her way over. Kathryn and Marty were working hard to be there for me and get the tub warmed up. They had to take turns pressing in on my hips and rubbing my back with a hot rice sock, and as for me the only position I could manage the contractions in was standing and leaning against the counter. I had been standing for a long time, and my legs were tired, but when I sat down it was immediately worse... So I paced a little between contractions and stood/swayed during.

Marty and Kathryn really wanted me to eat something before getting in the tub, since I'd only had snacks here and there since breakfast, but I quickly threw up what I ate in the next contraction. At that point, with contractions coming every 3 minutes or so, I wondered if I could be in transition.

Around 10:30 p.m., just shy of 24 hours into labor, is when I think I got into the birth tub. I remember telling Kathryn it felt really good, and I felt great relief. I tried a few positions, but quite quickly I landed on what would basically be "my position" for the rest of labor: kneeling with my legs spread wide and leaning on the side of the tub. I can't remember how long, but for a little while in the tub I was getting a break between contractions. I also remember I did throw up one more time shortly after getting in. Marty was busy at this point trying to get food ready for everyone (he was trying to be a good host for the birth team). I told him to take a break and eat, and he said he would when he'd finished doing this, and guess who never got a chance to eat until after baby came?

Ginger arrived around midnight I think...I was kind of oblivious to time from this point on. By the time she arrived, I was not really even looking around or talking between contractions much. By the time her assistant Lisa arrived, I had my eyes closed 99% of the time. Things are kind of hazy here! I have some interesting memories, though. Marty got out the drum we thought he might play to give me more of a rhythm to get through contractions, and I immediately shut him down. He asked if I wanted him to get in the tub with me, and I did... Poor guy...that was the beginning of the end for him (and his arm muscles). Kathryn and/or Lisa would rub my arms and try to help me relax and keep my tones low, and Marty was behind me squeezing my hips with every contraction. I don't know how he kept it up. Ginger kept praising and encouraging me but was a lot less hands-on.

As for my progress, when Ginger arrived I was no longer really getting a break between contractions. I had this constant, lingering pain in the front of my pelvis that was almost as bad as the contractions themselves, so I couldn’t really lean back in a great position for Ginger to assess my cervix. She did check and chose not to tell me that there was definitely still a lot of cervix there, and I might have only been 4cm dilated at the time she arrived. She monitored baby with the doppler, and the heart rate was always good! That was always encouraging to hear.

The next few hours, things just continued to ramp up. More of the same. I was given water and juice between contractions since I couldn't eat anything but needed to keep my strength up. The pain got worse and worse. I started to have trouble coping and keeping my vocalizations low (higher pitched means more tension and more pain, lower means more relaxed and letting the contractions do their job rather than fighting them). I also started complaining about the constant pain "in the front" and the lack of a break between contractions. As far as I know, no one was timing them at this point, so I have no idea how close together they really were.

There was a shift at some point. Not a dramatic, sudden urge to push, but there came a time when the end of the contraction started to feel different, and after riding through a few of those I told Ginger I thought my body was trying to push. For a little while yet I resisted pushing with them because I didn't know if I was fully dilated....and also I was scared.

Marty apparently had a  flashlight and he was helping Ginger get a look at what was going on in the increasingly unclear water. At some point (maybe more than once) water was drained out so more hot water could be added. And at some point Ginger got in the tub, too, but I think that wasn't until I started actively pushing. Pushing was interesting. I did not feel like I needed to poop. I can see why some people say they enjoy the pushing stage or that it feels good to push. I wouldn't say it felt good to push, but it did feel...different...in a way I can't describe.

Marty probably put as much effort into squeezing my hips through a contraction as I put into pushing, Don't know what I would have done without him! He started reporting that I was losing more and more chunks of my mucous plug with each push, but I was not very impressed by that supposed "progress." We still don't know when my waters actually broke!

And then we got to the main event! As baby got closer to crowning, Ginger got in the tub. She was supporting my perineum during contractions. In between, she would feel for baby's head. I felt it while it was still inside... pretty cool. I was getting regular updates about how much head could be seen and how much it wasn't going back up between contractions. For pushing, I found a handle on the outside of the tub and found it helpful to pull against that while I pushed. The pain between contractions was awful and during contractions I was saying I couldn't do it and this was a mistake. Marty told me to say I can instead of I can't, so sometimes during a contraction I would try that. Everyone praised me and said I WAS DOING IT and doing it really well.

I started to go up high on my knees and lean forward until a contraction would come - it almost felt like I could actually bring them on that way - and then get lower and spread my knees to push. Ginger told me to push hard and take a breath and go again and keep going for as long as I had the contraction working with me. I hadn't really wanted any direction/coaching for pushing, but I also hadn't expected the labor to be quite as long and hard as it was. I wasn't getting any break or relief between contractions, so I figured it would be best to do what Ginger said and just start really bearing down hard through each contraction. She and Marty both said my pushes were really productive. I think Ginger was actually there with her hand on baby's head feeling him come down with each one, and she'd say "just like that...good! ... more more more!" Till, finally (1.5 hrs of pushing later), I was crowning. Ohhh that hurt! From crowning to baby coming out was actually really short. I want to say 2-3 contractions. The head coming through was agony though, I could really feel the bone on bone, and I thought I was going to die. I thought there was no WAY it was going to work, but they said I had to do it, had to push my baby out now, and so I pushed through the pain as hard as I could until Kathryn was kind of in my face getting my attention saying "The head is out!" After that, I propped up one leg kind of instinctively to make more room, and it didn't take much for the body to come out. Ginger and Marty handed the baby up to me between my legs!

Baby was very white but very beautiful! I said, "Oh my God....baby?!" I think I kind of didn't believe or comprehend there was really a baby till it was there in my arms. The pain was instantly gone, which was also amazing. I sat back against Marty and was finally able to relax my body. Baby had eyes open and was looking around, but he wasn't breathing quite yet and his stats were kind of low. Ginger gave 3 "rescue breaths," and then the baby cried and started to pink up. Marty asked if now we could see what it was, so i checked that out... definitely a boy! Our little Nio was born at 3:11am on the 23rd of September!

(Side note: Nio was anterior by the time he came out, so he DID rotate during labor. However, he was acynclitic, meaning the presenting part of his head was a much bigger diameter than ideal because his head was kind of tilted to the side. It gave him the funniest-looking off-center cone head! It was really cool to see how fast that melted away into a perfectly-shaped head, though. Anyway, the acynclitic presentation made the pushing stage really hard, and probably accounted for the pain up front that I was feeling throughout. It also accounts at least somewhat for the loooong labor. It's amazing that I only pushed for 1.5 hours!)

Not long after the birth, I got one more contraction, and the placenta was born. That actually felt good coming out. Marty cut the cord, which he described as kind of gruesome. Soon, I was being helped out of the tub (a bit shakily) and making my way to the bathroom for my first attempted pee. A little came out, and I was shown how to use the peri bottle... Then, in bed with my baby, and a little more craziness started. I was assessed, and they determined I had a very small tear on the side of my vagina and a 2nd degree tear on the perineum. Neither needed stitches, but I did get some special care instructions as they heal. Also, my bleeding was quite heavy, so I got a shot of pitocin in the leg to help with that! My after pains started coming pretty hard, too. Occasionally I'd cramp and then pass some big blood clots and then feel better. Other times the cramps just kind of continued. I was pretty whiny about it because I really felt it was unfair - the pain should be over! Kathryn got out her heating pad for me to put on my belly, but it made me too hot.

It was kind of a long ordeal after the birth. People were in and out... Marty's parents came over within the first hour, I think. In retrospect, I really wish they had not come until we were more settled, but Marty was so excited... Ginger left my room, and for some time I didn't really know where she was or what was going on. Marty took the baby into the other room when they were examining me, too. I kept bleeding very heavily, and I kept telling them I just had another "gush." I also needed to pee really badly, but they didn't want me to get up and use the toilet because of all the blood loss. I was told to go on the pad on the bed, and boy did I try, but my body would not cooperate! I was given a second shot of pitocin, and I really was starting to feel kind of bad from the blood loss, like weak and tired. I told Lisa I needed some juice ASAP. I was also given liquid chlorophyll (both just after the birth and again at this point). Baby Nio came back in the room for his newborn exam eventually. This may have been before my second shot of pitocin... Not sure. Marty's parents left at some point, too... In the end, Kathryn, Ginger, and Lisa stayed while they were making sure my bleeding got under control. What seemed to make the biggest difference was when, suddenly, my bladder decided it was okay to pee on the bed. Once it started, it just went and went and went, and it felt SO GOOD. Once I emptied my bladder, it seemed the that bleeding slowed down quite a lot! I think the last event was finally getting Nio to latch on to the breast... which is another short story.... I really wish I had taken advantage of the golden hour to start nursing. By the time we got to it, he was sleepy and uncooperative, and I had lost a bunch of blood and couldn't move around as much, and it was a really disappointing experience. we DID get him to latch in a side lying position with me, and he was still latched when the birth team left.

I think that's it! The end. Unmedicated labor and childbirth is really hard. However, I think that given the length of my labor and the baby's positioning, I would have ended up with quite a few interventions had I been in the hospital. Possibly even a cesarean. Am I glad I was at home and did it naturally? Yes, I am. Did I think it was a huge mistake, in the moment? Yes, I did. Would I do it at home again next time? :-) Time will tell…